you, only you

There's a reason why I don't involve myself with arts and craft, that's why I'm a photography guy. Photography is cleaner and "easier" to maintain. I don't even post process (frankly because I am terrible at it, but I'm learning). However, today I broke out the paint and paper. Lesson learned? It's terribly messy. Nothing has changed. There's a reason why they handed out smocks to you in art class when you were little. The paint has a tendency to get everywhere. I'm sure there are splatters on my shirt, but I wouldn't know unless I looked carefully (wearing a tie-dyed shirt). It was a little project for a close and dear friend. Unfortunately I managed to botch up painting even a simply character. I cannot, for the life of me, seem to convey depth and shadows while painting or even drawing. Oh well, at least the deed was done and the project completed. Not without getting paint all over my fingers though, but oddly enough I like that part. I seem to think it makes me seem more "legit. " Maybe I'll do more painting in the future for fun.

it's the beginning of something new, but it's alright because i'm afraid too

It's the season of Lent. Normally I don't do anything special during these 40 days, but I decided that maybe I should invest my time and energy into bettering myself. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit, so with that logic 40 days should knock it dead right? I just want to instill qualities within myself that I can respect. I'll try to be more consistent with my entries to update all my eager and adoring fans (hah!) concerning my struggle.

The List

1. Pop: For those of you not familiar with this term; soda, soda pop, coke, carbonated beverages, etc. Not a huge fan of this, but I do find myself visiting the vending machines for a late night drink.
   
2. Ordering in: This will probably be a hard habit to kick, especially considering the crowd that I run with. I'll need to stock up on food by other means or walk to the location itself and order. At least I'll burn calories in the process.

That's it for all the habits I want to kick. I decided to add a twist to Lent though. I know the idea is to be sacrificial, but I also wanted to pick up habits. Reverse sacrifice?

The List cont.

1. Read the Bible: This should be a given in my life, but unfortunately I have this terrible tendency to neglect reading the Word. Oops. A goal would be to, at least, make it through all the Gospels.
2. Be encouraging: Life is tough enough as it is. I want to bring people up and just give them props, or encouragements whenever I see something that I feel is deserving. We all need a pick-me-up every now and then. It's important that we get acknowledgment.
3. Take a picture daily: Actually this is probably going to be a tough one, despite the fact that I'm suppose to be the "photographer." However, I have 8 rolls of films and possibly a new speedlight coming to keep my interest soaring.
4. Finish a leisure book: Pretty straightforward. With all the time I waste, I should be able to get a book in. Currently working on "Searching for God Knows What" by Donald Miller.

Well that's it. That's my list. Hopefully it's not more than I can accomplish. I simply ask, no beg, you to keep me accountable; especially on ordering in and taking a picture daily. I'll try my best to update more frequently with my struggles or conquests.

candy rose and one sweet regret

In my uneven scrawl, I write out "Will you go out with me?" I quickly fold the paper in half after reviewing my sloppy penmanship for any mistakes. I stuff the slip deep into the box lest someone tries to read what I had written. With my deed committed, I walk away with a nervous bounce. My balms are sweaty from the bold move.

I spend the majority of the first part of the day wondering what she'll say when she receives the note. Will she say yes? What the hell did I just do? My mind wanders and needless to say I don't pay much attention to my studies that day. We didn't share any of the same classes, so I wouldn't know her reaction until later during the day.

The bell rang, signaling the end of fifth period. I scamper off to meet her as she rushes off to her sixth period while I did the same. We meet outside near the amphitheater steps. My heart beats rapidly while I stand before her. She keeps her gaze towards the ground. In her arms, she clutches her class books close to her chest. Her hair falls across her eyes, hiding her eyes from me. Did you happen to get my note? Yeah, I did. Uhm...so...what do ya think? She lifts her head up and looks at me with shifty eyes and giggles nervously. Sure.

A few days later, she asks me out to Sadie Hawkins. A few weeks after that, we ended things. Lesson to be learned here: Don't ask a girl out with a candy gram, especially if you cannot connect with her on a conversational level. Even if she is pretty.

Happy Valentine's Day

the sun rises again

It's been a while since I've routinely stayed up late enough to watch the sun rise as I crawl into bed. There's something about the wee hours before the dawn that appeals to me. Soft music playing in the background [crack the shutters by snow patrol] and my tired dreary face lit by a lone desk lamp. Eerie nightly noises creep in from the big, bad world beyond the window. The only thing missing to complete this picture is a steaming cup of coffee and a burning cigarette. Sadly I don't have a coffeemaker, or beans for that matter and I don't smoke cigarettes.

I tend to do a lot of pondering at this hour. Sit back, stretch, loosen up by popping my joints and writing. Writing. It helps me clear my mind and unwind from the exhaustion of the day previous. I ought to add reading to this list, but I am a bad reader when I'm bone tired. The kind of tired where I feel sore all over my body; especially in my back. It's as if my spine is protesting my decision to forgo sleep and tries to see how much pain it can inflict before I finally give in. It'll get its wish soon.

I like to take time to reflect over the things that trouble me. The thought process is linear. I tend to focus on the future, what I have on my list of things to do, the present, what troubles me currently and the past, regrets that I have trouble forgetting. It's a deadly trio and it often leaves me with a bitter feeling in my mouth as if I bit into a ginger root. Damn ginger roots that disguises itself like real food, you always get me. Always.

There's also something about this time that allows me to connect to my roots. Praise music is no stranger to my late night sessions. It's a constant companion that keeps me company during these periods. Late nights, pensive mood and God seem to a match made in heaven. [Har har].

On one hand, I'm glad that I am able to have this part of my life back. On the other hand, I tend to oversleep during the day and skip my classes indiscriminately. The last need I need is a repeat of the event now infamously known as Fall Debacle '08. If you're wondering what I mean and why you don't know, it's because it's really only relevant to my life. Sorry, you're not invited.

sentimental value

When I first laid eyes on it, nothing seemed to pop. It was so plain in design, minimalist and somewhat drab. It's just a jacket and what the hell is the north face?

That was roughly eight years ago and I still wear that jacket to this day. Granted, most of the fleece lining has fallen off and it has seen better days. Wind passes right through it like Mexican food through my digestive tract. Nowadays I mostly keep it around for sentimental purposes.

Throughout its lifespan, I've done some rather crazy things to it. For instance, my first year in high school, I treated the jacket as my personal filing cabinet. The left chest pocket held my cache of class notes all neatly folded and my other pockets contained my writing utensils. The insanity even went as far as carrying a calculator, scissor, mini stapler, highlighter, sticky notes and other miscellaneous items in the jacket. To this day, I'm not quite sure what compelled me to stuff my pocket with all those items, but I am sure I've had a few moments when it has come in handy.

Don't worry. These days, the Denali lives a quieter existence, draped over my body as a personal reminder of days long gone.