right'n the kisser

When I was in fifth grade, I sent one of my best friends to the hospital with a concussion. To my defense, it wasn't intentional nor was it entirely my fault. It was a cold winter, back when it used to snow on time; yes it used to actually snow in December. We were outside for recess bundled up in our snow gear, having a great time playing in the snow. Someone said we should make a giant snow man, as big as we could possibly make it.

The tasks were delegated and we set forth on recreating a real life Frosty. The "legs" of the snowman were enormous; it reached as high as my chest. I was given the job of making the 'body" portion. Well one simple thing we didn't take into consideration before making the snow man was how we were going to assemble the monstrosity. We had to take a) a finely packed ball of snow as big around as three watermelons and lift it with b) our scrawny prepubescent, underdeveloped arm muscles. The equation didn't work in our favour. Guess that's why I've always hated arithmetics.

We decided to give it a try anyways. No luck, we couldn't even lift it up with our combined efforts. Then the brilliant idea of rolling it up a human "ramp" was born out of desperation. The idea was to have someone be the "ramp," while the others would gradually roll the body into place. I drew the short straw, not literally, and was given the position of ramp. My friend, Matt, was given the task of being on the opposite side of me to hold the legs in place while we executed this operation. We finally got the ball rolling on this plan [har har har ball get it?] and began to push it ungracefully on my back.

Somehow someone slipped and instead of pushing the giant globe on my back, pushed me. I lost my footing since I was completely off balance and slammed right into Matt's face. I don't quite remember what happened afterwards, but I do recall an ambulance coming to whisk Matt to the hospital. It was a few days before Matt came back, he had a good size goose egg on his forehead. I apologized to him during an awkward encountered, but everything turned out fine and we remained friends. A few months later, Matt and his family moved away and I lost contact with him. Now we both attend the same college. We're not friends anymore, more like friendly acquaintances. Too much time apart I guess.

The snowman was never finished and the dismembered body parts melted into indistinguishable lumps. I never made another snowman since.