fate worse than death

Imagine yourself being trapped in a box that gives you roughly an inch of space to your left, right, and ceiling. Maybe it's just me, but that scenario makes me cringe like no other.

candy rose and one sweet regret

In my uneven scrawl, I write out "Will you go out with me?" I quickly fold the paper in half after reviewing my sloppy penmanship for any mistakes. I stuff the slip deep into the box lest someone tries to read what I had written. With my deed committed, I walk away with a nervous bounce. My balms are sweaty from the bold move.

I spend the majority of the first part of the day wondering what she'll say when she receives the note. Will she say yes? What the hell did I just do? My mind wanders and needless to say I don't pay much attention to my studies that day. We didn't share any of the same classes, so I wouldn't know her reaction until later during the day.

The bell rang, signaling the end of fifth period. I scamper off to meet her as she rushes off to her sixth period while I did the same. We meet outside near the amphitheater steps. My heart beats rapidly while I stand before her. She keeps her gaze towards the ground. In her arms, she clutches her class books close to her chest. Her hair falls across her eyes, hiding her eyes from me. Did you happen to get my note? Yeah, I did. Uhm...so...what do ya think? She lifts her head up and looks at me with shifty eyes and giggles nervously. Sure.

A few days later, she asks me out to Sadie Hawkins. A few weeks after that, we ended things. Lesson to be learned here: Don't ask a girl out with a candy gram, especially if you cannot connect with her on a conversational level. Even if she is pretty.

Happy Valentine's Day

the sun rises again

It's been a while since I've routinely stayed up late enough to watch the sun rise as I crawl into bed. There's something about the wee hours before the dawn that appeals to me. Soft music playing in the background [crack the shutters by snow patrol] and my tired dreary face lit by a lone desk lamp. Eerie nightly noises creep in from the big, bad world beyond the window. The only thing missing to complete this picture is a steaming cup of coffee and a burning cigarette. Sadly I don't have a coffeemaker, or beans for that matter and I don't smoke cigarettes.

I tend to do a lot of pondering at this hour. Sit back, stretch, loosen up by popping my joints and writing. Writing. It helps me clear my mind and unwind from the exhaustion of the day previous. I ought to add reading to this list, but I am a bad reader when I'm bone tired. The kind of tired where I feel sore all over my body; especially in my back. It's as if my spine is protesting my decision to forgo sleep and tries to see how much pain it can inflict before I finally give in. It'll get its wish soon.

I like to take time to reflect over the things that trouble me. The thought process is linear. I tend to focus on the future, what I have on my list of things to do, the present, what troubles me currently and the past, regrets that I have trouble forgetting. It's a deadly trio and it often leaves me with a bitter feeling in my mouth as if I bit into a ginger root. Damn ginger roots that disguises itself like real food, you always get me. Always.

There's also something about this time that allows me to connect to my roots. Praise music is no stranger to my late night sessions. It's a constant companion that keeps me company during these periods. Late nights, pensive mood and God seem to a match made in heaven. [Har har].

On one hand, I'm glad that I am able to have this part of my life back. On the other hand, I tend to oversleep during the day and skip my classes indiscriminately. The last need I need is a repeat of the event now infamously known as Fall Debacle '08. If you're wondering what I mean and why you don't know, it's because it's really only relevant to my life. Sorry, you're not invited.

confessions of a sleep junkie

I enjoy the crisp weather that we've been having lately. Although it tends to be a bit chilly than my jacket can handle, I still prefer the Autumn weather. I love the changing of the leaves and the splash of color that occurs. I think Hobbes put it best by saying,

"Gee, I like this season best of all! the trees are like nature's own fireworks display."

So eloquent and true. I heard another great quote today from Kiwi. We were talking about the gorgeous weather and she mentioned this to me.

"It's amazing how the leaves are actually dying, but there is beauty in it. I hope that's how it is when we die."

Another thing that comes with the colder weather is the lure of the warm and toasty bed in the early morning. I got to admit, I've fallen prey to the coziness of my blanket shielding me from the cool air and skipped plenty of classes because of that. You'd think I'd learn by now, but apparently it still isn't registering. I love it and hate it. It's like scolding your cute, pouting puppy after it did its business where it shouldn't have. Who are you kidding? You can't scold the puppy, you love the puppy. Who doesn't love puppies? Heartless fiends.

I really need to go out and take some pictures of the scenery before it fades and I have to wait another year.

-Author's Edit-

I think it's hilarious how the day after I write this post, I end up missing all my classes and waking up at 4:30 PM.

correct change only

Great ideas like this don't happen very often. I found this while reviewing the list of blogs that I subscribe to. Unfortunately I couldn't fully enjoy the novelty of the idea since I was in class. After taking some time after class to watch the video, I couldn't help but chuckle. They need something like this in the States. Man-Vending machines. What else are the witty minds in New Zealand going to come up with next?

If they had a female version of this, I wonder what option I would pick: Classic, Romantic, Foreign, Rich, Action, Perfect. Not quite sure those categories would translate over into the female realm. Leggy? Witty? Those sound shallow relative to the male categories. I'm terrible at these sort of things.

Ladies: What category would you pick, and why?
Fellas: What categories would you come up with and which one would you pick, and why?

coffeehouse spirituality

Sharing thoughts on faith and spirituality over a cup of joe is probably one of my favorite things to do now. The other night, a friend and I connected over a cup of coffee. It was one of those rare conversations, where I was able to lay my cards on the table and talk about anything. I think we both saw ourselves as two guys in the same or similar situation. After talking to him, I realized that there are a few things in my life that I need to work on or change. For example, I was really encouraged by how vocal he was about his faith. I think that was the point that I took away the most from that night. Maybe it's just me, but I often am reluctant to let others that I'm unfamiliar with know that I'm Christian. It has something to do with my fear of being labeled as a close-minded, intolerant, Bible-thumper. It's not an image that I want branded on me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of being Christian. I just don't think I fit that label because I'm nothing like that in person. In fact, I'm probably more liberal than most Christians ought to be.
I'll just chew on it for a while.

I need to buy a traveler's mug for coffee, but I don't know where I should buy it from. Should I buy one from Starbucks? Biggby? Caribou? I don't know where I want to place my allegiance. I do need one rather soon though. I feel guilty of purchasing coffee in a disposable cup because that goes against my sustainability ethos. Plus the coffee in the office is terrible. I didn't think it was possible to make coffee taste that bad. Even instant coffee taste better than that liquid crap.
Sad.

i don't want to grow up. take me to neverland peter pan

This reminds me of when I was little and would get excited about the smallest thing. I wonder where that spark and complete abandon of fear went. Nowadays, I'm so afraid of what people would think if I were to raise my hand up with my favorite toy and triumphantly declare its venerated title. I love how Bruno Taylor challenges us to listen to and encourage the child inside us that never grows up.

help wanted

Well the time has come for me to start packing up for school. Problem is, I don't know what I need/should pack and I hate packing in general. It's such a chore. I think I would rather mow the lawn, wash dishes and clean out my hamster's cage rather than pack. This year, I'm going to try to bring only the bare minimum: laptop, speakers, casual clothes, work clothes, guitar, camera, etc. Hopefully the list isn't that much bigger than that, but knowing the pack rat mentality that I have, there will probably be a lot more stuff stuffed in boxes. I hate packing.

wholesome programming

Ever wonder if there is more to life than what you see? Does it seem like some coincidences are too good to be true? Alright, I know the possibility of this being true has the same likelihood of Michael Jackson obtaining rights to open a daycare, but sometimes I feel like my life is a reality show and I'm totally oblivious.

Well obviously I wouldn't be completely oblivious because I've made the connection that it's a show, but you get what I mean. Ever since watching the Truman Show, I've wondered if it's possible for Corporate America to do that to someone, specifically me.

What would my life be like if it was a TV show? Honestly, it would probably be incredibly boring. Take the humor out of Seinfeld and combine it with poor acting and lack of funds to hire additional actors, that's what you'd get. Maybe I'll give it try by starting up a video blog or web-series. Who knows. I will say this though, if my life does turn out to be a TV show, I'm sorry for the poor plot line and distasteful acting.

of epic proportions

Well it's finally here folks. The 2008 Summer Olympics hosted by China. I sat down to watch the opening ceremony today and I gotta say I was completely blown away by the spectacle. The Chinese people have really made it hard for the next country to host the Olympics.

I bet the planning committee could have been mistaken for another episode of "Super Sweet 16." Alright for the ceremony, I want a giant TV...no wait a giant LED screen that unfolds. [Insert whining about getting a super expensive car here] Raff out roud.

The story of the kid was touching, completely selfless. Hopefully he'll stay that way when he grows up. Kind of sucks about the missing patch of hair, maybe Rogaine will help? My favorite part of the ceremony was the torch lighting. That was amazing. Props to whoever came up with the idea of suspending a guy in mid air to light the torch on the roof of the stadium. Although, it must have been incredibly tiring to make the guy mock run the whole length of the track. Was it just me or did it seem like he was going to fall out of his harness a few times?

This has got to be one of the best opening ceremonies I've seen so far. Vancouver better have an amazing comeback.

the sartorialist in me

The past few days I've been obsessing over clothes. It can probably be attributed to the recent shopping spree a few days ago. I feel ambitious this year. With the mounting pressure of having to balance an internship with school and KCF, it seems like the best time to turn over a new leaf. I've been asking around if I should try to merge GQ with "indie/scenester." They're both entirely different styles and it'll be a bold maneuver. Here's my logic, I figure since I'll be donning a suit twice a week, it shouldn't be too much of a stretch to continue wearing clothes of that nature on my off days. On the other hand, I've always had a fascination for the "vintage too-cool-for-conforming" style that is popularly depicted by stores like Urban Outfitters or American Apparel. This is the real challenge, trying to fit my shapely body into skinny pants. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Unlike some guys, I value my crotch space and prefer things to be loose instead of cramped. Balls need to be aired out folks.

Here are a few styles that I like.








Besides just changing my style, I want to undergo a personality shift. I'm reluctant to say "change" because I doubt it would happen. Whereas to "shift" would simply mean emphasizing specific traits over others. There are certain personality traits that I would prefer letting go of. We'll see if that happens or not.

crush

My first crush was when I was in first grade. There was this girl named "Jamie" and she was in the grade above me. I'm not sure if they still do this now, but back then the school district used to have joint first and second grade classes. Usually you would end up having the same teacher for both grades. Anyways, I forget how the whole situation started but for some reason I was mad at this one guy and the teacher decided to pair me up with Jamie. It was her job to try to calm me down and cheer me up. Well needless to say it worked, but I couldn't let on that it did. I had to pretend that I was still mad at the guy so she would stick around. Like most crushes at that age, my attention wandered to the next thing that struck my fancy. However, I did share a "Couples Only" skate with her back when skating rinks were the place to hang out on weekends.

one of those moments

After the life lessons talk that I had with Mr. R today, I've come to realize that I need to plot out my future more carefully. I definitely need to sit down with my counselor and come up with a plan; as well as decide if a path in anthropology is the right one for me. It's frustrating that I'm still so unsure of what I'm going to do with my life, because at this stage I'm already deep in debt. I'm so idealistic sometimes that it gets in the way of actually accomplishing anything. It's easy to say "well I want to help others by doing this, this and this." Mr. R stated things that needed to be said and now I'm back to the drawing board and come up with a strategy that works. Constructive criticism at its finest.

the hamster formerly known as

It's official. My hamster is a lazy ass sack of fur. All he does is sleep, eat and poop. In that order too. Guess he must be getting old or something, because when I first brought him home he had quite a youthful energy. [We "celebrated" his first birthday in May.] Nowadays, I'm lucky if I can get him to use the wheel once every few days. Despite his sloth like behavior, I still adore the little rat. Even though my parents were opposed to buying another hamster after the first one tragically passed away, they've learned to accept Oreo as a member of the family. Quite honestly, Oreo is spoiled. He lives in a giant 172 ounce tub with plentiful food and adoration. My mom practically gushes over this creature with such a fervor that it makes me wonder if it came down to it, would she choose Oreo over me? I sure hope such an occasion doesn't occur.